Draco Malfoy is on Tinder and he’s been a very bad boy

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Look, before you get Operation Yewtree involved, can I just point out that 1. Any Potter fan will tell you Draco’s now 34 and 2. He’s not real.

Still, the fact that a man technically doesn’t exist wasn’t about to stop me from flirting in order to write a funny story find love.

It all happened so fast.

So I’m on Tinder.  Clearly all the best people are – Hodor, Ed Miliband, THE REAL Britney Spears, Lily Allen, Katy Perry and Lindsay Lohan. I mean if Li-Lo’s doing something it’s deffo a good idea, right?

Anyway, I was on Tinder, merrily swiping left, left, left, when I saw him. The hottie from Hogwarts.

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And, as I said before, look, it clearly states he’s 34.

I’m normally quite picky but obvs I swiped right. And, lo and behold…

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It was magical as Hogwarts At Christmas.

Now, you may think that I would have been content just knowing that a fictional bad boy officially thought I was hot. Well you would be wrong.

He was pretty keen.

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And I was not about to let my disturbing Harry Potter geekery awesome chat-up skillz go to waste.

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Oops, he wasn’t happy when I called his broom that. Still, didn’t seem to put him off after I wrote this…

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What do you think?

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Now. By this time several things had happened in real life. 1. Obviously I had posted several pics to FB and Twitter and my friends found it hilarious and/or finally understood why I was single and 2. I was becoming a bit paranoid in real life. I mean – who WAS Draco?

I found myself standing on a train platform looking at the crowds of men, women, teenagers and pensioners and thinking ‘holy crap it could be ANY ONE OF YOU.’

Still, that didn’t stop me from carrying on of course.

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I’m pretty pleased with that one, although I realise I may have just ruined everyone’s childhood.

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Ok, that one was pretty tenuous but I was getting a bit tired by then.

Then it went quiet for a bit and I thought I’d lost my dream man forever. But I hadn’t!

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‘…should play’ is the end of that message.

I’ll be honest, I was plotting to catfish him at the end by asking for his number then sending him a pic of ‘myself’ –

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But I couldn’t do it to you, Draco, I just couldn’t do it.

So there you are. I think we’ve all learned a lot here – 1. that Tinder is a truly magical place 2. Draco Malfoy is utterly filthy and 3. I probably need to get out more.

 

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